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08-04-2012, 06:50 AM
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Nobody likes being blown off. Over the course of my illustrious dating career, I have beenbroken up with (http://www.askmen.com/dating/heidi_100/112_dating_girl.html),rejected before I could open my mouth and dismissed outright. You can’t expect toget out there and not take some hits -- they’re par for the course. I’m nothere to lament those ego blows we take when we stick our necks out to meet someone new.I’m talking about the unexpected hits we take when we’ve met a woman, thingsare progressing and, suddenly, without warning, we’re checking to see if our phonesare still working. There’s a brief period of denial followed by a numbing disbelief.Wasn’t it going well? What the hell happened?I have a deep resentmentfor the unexplained-radio-silence move. For that reason, I do everything I can to besensitive to women I decide not to pursue after the initial stage of courtship. Breaking up withsomeone after only a few dates is a little bit like firing someone you haven’t hiredyet. It’s awkward, it feels almost unnecessary -- but it’s a situation that isvirtually inevitable if you’re single. Sometimes it only takes a few dates torealize she’s not right for you, but those few dates mean you owe her some kind ofgesture. I have been in many discussions with friends about what our responsibility is atthis stage, and I always come back to a basic rule: Do unto others as you would have doneto you. Silence is the easy way out, but it may come back to haunt you.Asalways, passivity is the worst course of action. I have tested this theory a number ofways in my life: standing at the back of a line to a club hoping to get in (had a greatnight reading wall graffiti), ignoring a problem at work (spent weekends trying to repairthe damage instead of waiting in line at clubs) and, of course, blowing off a young ladyafter a few dates by not returning calls or texts (confronted while in line at the club infront of others). We know there are ways to manage these situations, but we too oftenchoose to sit back and hope for the best. This is called the path of least resistance. You may think you’re strategically cutting your losses when you launch“operation ignore her existence,” but this swiftly changes when she decides tolaunch “operation not-so-fast-buddy.” By this point you have relinquishedcontrol and have no way of predicting the volatility that may follow. You have no way ofknowing if she is going to decide to call you an asshole in front of your new date whenyou bump in to her again. All you had to do was grab the wheel, and you could have steeredthe ship into calmer waters.I found myself on a fourth date some years back.Each night out was an escalation of things, both sexually and, to a certain extent, interms of our personal connection. But I was checked out. She was great, but I wasn’tlooking for someone to introduce to my mother. True, maybe I could have let this nugget ofinformation slip before we landed on my futon on that last date, but I was curious to seeif the sexualchemistry (http://www.askmen.com/dating/vanessa_60/95_love_secrets.html) would change the dynamic and maybe increase my level of interest. Also, Iwanted to have sex. We did. It didn’t. Many male friends suggested Islink quietly into the background and do what many refer to as the “slowfade-out.” But then it occurred to me that I would really hate if that was done tome. Actually, it occurred to me that it had happened to me in the not too distantpast, and it had left me reeling. So when I was confronted with the shoe being on theother foot, I decided to go against the grain of my male posse and take an originalapproach. Continue Reading (http://www.askmen.com/dating/dating_advice/ending-it-early.html)
http://www.askmen.com/dating/dating_advice/ending-it-early.html ( More...
Nobody likes being blown off. Over the course of my illustrious dating career, I have beenbroken up with (http://www.askmen.com/dating/heidi_100/112_dating_girl.html),rejected before I could open my mouth and dismissed outright. You can’t expect toget out there and not take some hits -- they’re par for the course. I’m nothere to lament those ego blows we take when we stick our necks out to meet someone new.I’m talking about the unexpected hits we take when we’ve met a woman, thingsare progressing and, suddenly, without warning, we’re checking to see if our phonesare still working. There’s a brief period of denial followed by a numbing disbelief.Wasn’t it going well? What the hell happened?I have a deep resentmentfor the unexplained-radio-silence move. For that reason, I do everything I can to besensitive to women I decide not to pursue after the initial stage of courtship. Breaking up withsomeone after only a few dates is a little bit like firing someone you haven’t hiredyet. It’s awkward, it feels almost unnecessary -- but it’s a situation that isvirtually inevitable if you’re single. Sometimes it only takes a few dates torealize she’s not right for you, but those few dates mean you owe her some kind ofgesture. I have been in many discussions with friends about what our responsibility is atthis stage, and I always come back to a basic rule: Do unto others as you would have doneto you. Silence is the easy way out, but it may come back to haunt you.Asalways, passivity is the worst course of action. I have tested this theory a number ofways in my life: standing at the back of a line to a club hoping to get in (had a greatnight reading wall graffiti), ignoring a problem at work (spent weekends trying to repairthe damage instead of waiting in line at clubs) and, of course, blowing off a young ladyafter a few dates by not returning calls or texts (confronted while in line at the club infront of others). We know there are ways to manage these situations, but we too oftenchoose to sit back and hope for the best. This is called the path of least resistance. You may think you’re strategically cutting your losses when you launch“operation ignore her existence,” but this swiftly changes when she decides tolaunch “operation not-so-fast-buddy.” By this point you have relinquishedcontrol and have no way of predicting the volatility that may follow. You have no way ofknowing if she is going to decide to call you an asshole in front of your new date whenyou bump in to her again. All you had to do was grab the wheel, and you could have steeredthe ship into calmer waters.I found myself on a fourth date some years back.Each night out was an escalation of things, both sexually and, to a certain extent, interms of our personal connection. But I was checked out. She was great, but I wasn’tlooking for someone to introduce to my mother. True, maybe I could have let this nugget ofinformation slip before we landed on my futon on that last date, but I was curious to seeif the sexualchemistry (http://www.askmen.com/dating/vanessa_60/95_love_secrets.html) would change the dynamic and maybe increase my level of interest. Also, Iwanted to have sex. We did. It didn’t. Many male friends suggested Islink quietly into the background and do what many refer to as the “slowfade-out.” But then it occurred to me that I would really hate if that was done tome. Actually, it occurred to me that it had happened to me in the not too distantpast, and it had left me reeling. So when I was confronted with the shoe being on theother foot, I decided to go against the grain of my male posse and take an originalapproach. Continue Reading (http://www.askmen.com/dating/dating_advice/ending-it-early.html)
http://www.askmen.com/dating/dating_advice/ending-it-early.html ( More...