Is Voyeurism Wrong?

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Is Voyeurism Wrong?

Doc Chaves,I’m a 38-year-old guy with a very, very hot younger girlacross my building courtyard who has a habit of leaving the blinds open and walkingaround naked. I’ve been watching her more and more and noticing it’s gettingto the point where I know her schedule and routine. I’m starting to feel guilty,like I’m doing something wrong.- Anonymous There’s about two million guys reading this who are wondering where you live, andthat’s a mild estimate. I hate to think of myself as the right-and-wrong police, so let's dissect what you’re experiencing. You masturbate. Fantastic. It’s ahealthy, normative activity with a plethora of health, immune and psychological benefitsfor most. You fantasize. Excellent. Most people who fantasize have imaginative andcreative sexual expressions and outlets. You enjoy voyeurism. That's great. Show me a guywho doesn’t get visually excited, whether it's by their partner, erotica, a fetishisticexpression, an exotic dancer, or just about anything we can pin our eyeballs on. Forthe most part, we’re all voyeurs to a certain extent. My only concern is that she’s not a willing participant, and we can’tassume she’s into being watched or is an exhibitionist. Maybe the blinds are open for sunlight and she walks around naked because she’s drying off after a shower.Who knows? The judge may not buy a “She does it every night at 7 p.m.” or a“It’s her fault for leaving the blinds open” defense if the legalsystem ever got introduced to your situation. My guess is the guilt may be surrounded with this aspect of non-consent. Do you feel thesame guilt when you see consensual nudity (exotic dancing, porn, a nude beach, etc.)? Theguilt could also be associated with experiencing arousal and its resulting shame. Take agood look at what the roots of your guilt are and see if there are ways to express this arousal in more consenting and equally arousing manners. That may help with the guiltyfeelings. Check out our article on voyeurismand exhibitionism for more insight and information on consensuality. How Much Does Insecurity Affect Men's Sex Lives?

I’ve read a few times about girls having body-image issuesand how it affects them in bed. Does this happen to guys? It’s weird -- Idon’t really care about my body, except when I’m about to have sex or amhaving it. Then it’s a big deal for me.-AnonymousOne of the least-discussed aspects of male sexuality is how ournegative body image impacts our sexual psyche. I remember being in graduate school andworking in clinics where we’d discuss eating disorders, and it seemed mostlycontextualized as a female issue. It’s also male issue. The same goes forbody-image struggles; they are both human issues. Nod your head, gentlemen,if you ever had thoughts or feelings of shame, judgment or criticism about your bodybefore or during sex. Just about every guy has experienced it. Some look down and reminisce about their washboard abs from college, only to see a current stomach thatlooks more like a bowl of jello jiggling. Others get down on their penis for it’sextreme small or large size, girth and/or shape, no matter how much lifetime worktheir penis puts in for arousal, erection and sexy time. Some worry about their chickenlegs, acne scars, lack of muscle definition, level of attractiveness, hair loss, stamina, and… Wait a minute -- that was all about me. How narcissistic. You getthe idea and surely have your own individual negative body-image thoughts if you’rebeing honest with yourself. It’s possible youdon’t care as much about your body when clothed because, well, you’reclothed. It’s a socially accepted way for us to hide, deflect and avoid facing thediscomfort and fears associated with our appearance. I wonder how you feel about going tothe beach, swimming or changing in front of others? It may not be entirely about performance anxiety with having sex but more accurately associated with discomfort or erotophobicresponses toward self-nudity or being viewed nude. As many suggest, facing and talking about fears is a good start in managing orovercoming them. Some body-image difficulties affect more people than others, and someare fixed (penis size) while others can be altered or improved. Self-help anxiety andbody-image books are a great start and help many people. A therapist can also help you work on these anxieties.I know a number of swingers and nudistswho I look up to. They walk around comfortable in their own skin, not because they lookperfect by society’s standards but because they feel perfect according to their own standards. A nice mindset to strive for. Continue Reading

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