Real Talk: Why Money Matters To Women

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You guys may have seen ourAskWomen video series, where we got some real women to have some drinks and answer yourquestions about whether a guy can ever getout of the friend zone, whether size matters and whether body hair is a deal breaker. Well,here's a single girl's opinion on more of your questions. Readers have been keptanonymous.Q: I recently went on a date with a young woman whosaid she doesn'tdate men her age because they "don't have a lot to offer." I took this as a veryshallow and materialistic response. Because of today's economy, has it become increasinglyOK for a person to put more emphasis on what a partner has to offer monetarily and be ableto do so without being considered materialistic? Or is love still enough for some women?A: According to the Universal Order of Women handbook(in some sects, it’s Womyn), I really shouldn’t be telling you this, butwe’re friends, right? We are? OK. Come closer. Closer. Here it is: All women arenot the same.We don’t look the same, we don’t dress the same,and we certainly don’t all want the same things. All we universally have in commonis a vagina (and sometimes not even that). That being said, I’ll try to answer yourquestion the best I can, both from my perspective and from an overall one.Somewomen have chosen to follow a traditional path in life, which means settling down with aman who can support them, bearing and raising children, and taking care of the home andfamily. I don’t judge them for that, because I believe feminism is about choices,not limitations. But I definitely can’t speak for those ladies, let alone quantifytheir financial needs. (I suppose you could break it down to the lifetime cost of a child,multiplied by how many children she wants, and add a geographically average mortgage andliving expenses to it, but that seems a bit intense). So if you want this kind of lady,then I really can’t help you as I have no idea what on earth they want. But if you’re looking to land a more career-oriented woman, or even a creativelyambitious one, the stakes are a bit different. I won’t say money is completely offthe table as a consideration, because if a woman works hard to support herself sheprobably doesn’t want to spend all her money supporting a man with no means. Buteven that is not always the case. Here’s the thing: A goal-oriented woman (whateverthose goals may be, from climbing the corporate ladder to being a successful artist tobuilding an entrepreneurial empire) usually wants a goal-oriented man. Aman’s bank account matters a lot less to me than hisambition and drive. Recently a very attractive retail employee was interested in me,and I told my friends I didn’t want to date him. Here’s why: It isn’tbecause he folds shirts all day (OK, maybe a tiny bit); it’s because beyondthat job, I didn’t see any indication that he wanted any more out of life.He wasn’t a writer pursuing his dream of penning the great American novel, or abusiness-savvy web designer trying to get his own company off the ground, or a musicianstruggling to make it (although dating band dudes is a whole ‘nother enchilada ofno thanks), all while making ends meet with this job. This job in and of itself(or any comparable job) is all he seems to want out of life. I want more, much more, andso I can’t see myself with someone who doesn’t. Which means whether he was ashop keep or a decently salaried office drone or a high-paid miserable accountant, Iwouldn’t want to be with him.So, anonymous reader, what your date mayhave meant when she said younger men “don’t have a lot to offer” is thatperhaps they’re not as driven and ambitious as older men who are more set on theirpaths and hungry to be better at their chosen “thing.” But poor thing iswrong, because there are plenty of older dudes who are also captains of the S.S. NoAspirations, and, believe me, it’s not their maiden voyage. Ageisn’t a factor here, and neither is materialism. It’s more intangible thanthat: It’s a shared future. At least that’s my take on it. Your date alsomight have just been a trife bitch, in which case, I can’t really speak to her stateof mind because I’m way cooler and would totally love to go toChili’s with you (which is where I imagine you took her, as they have excellent mealdeals). Choose more wisely, and you’ll find a girl who has the same endgame as you: happiness. Or as my homegirl J.Lo put it, “Love don’t cost athing.” She also said that, to her, staying real is like breathing, but Idon’t really know what that means, so let’s just end this here. Continue Reading

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