How To Know When To Make "The Move"

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I try to avoid sexon a first date. Let me be clear, I’ve had one-night stands. I don’t saythis to brag, just as a necessary distinction. Besides, some of them may not be somethingto brag about (insert winking emoticon here). But ending up in the bedroom with a girlyou’ve been dating is a very different situation than bringing a girl home after thebar closes. The latter is usually just about sex, and the former is often about more.Consequently, the question inevitably rises over time: When is the right time to bring sexinto the dating ritual? I’ve been back and forth on this topic withfriends since we were old enough to know that we wanted more than just physical intimacyand that we wanted relationships. As we get older and begin to look at the women we meetas potential partners, we begin to weigh many factors before jumping into bed with them.It does not mean we forget about those fun nights when we offer shots to the girls next tous in hopes of seeing the inside of the cute one’s apartment. It simply means thatwhen we are really going after someone, it requires more tact when looking to get thephysical things brewing. The questions is: Is there a perfect time? Jumping The Gun

Clever wordplay and double meanings aside, there is nothing more potentially disastrousto a good courtship then getting there too quickly. Now, I know that everyone likes to saythings like, “But what if the moment is right?” or “Sometimes it justhas to happen,” but when talking about dating as the pursuit of a real relationship,too early is a very risky play. I am not suggesting that you shouldn't go for it if yourdate leads immediately to sex; I’m just saying that the likelihood of that turninginto something more is diminished significantly. As cliché as itsounds, men like the challenge. You know we do. The importance of having to really worktoward sexual activity with a woman we are seriously interested in helps build the romancefor us. Whether we choose to admit it or not, what comes from having to wait to get nakedis the gradual formation of the opinion that this girl is worth waiting for.If you have sex on the first date, what inevitably follows is a sudden dip in realinterest. We’ve all been there: Watching from the bed as our enthusiasm sneaks outthe window like a ghost before we even get our pants on. It sucks. It may seem to womenthat we are being cruel, but it's coded into our male gene. The difficulty of the pursuitis directly correlated to our perception of the romantic potential. The fact is, the rightwomen know this and work equally as hard to avoid sleeping with a guy they like on thefirst date. For many of them, the regret they feel if things move too quickly is notguilt; it’s just genuine concern that something good may have just been sabotaged.The Long Haul

Waiting too longcan be the kiss of death. It’s one thing to make it clear you want to pace thingsbecause you like and respect her, but it’s also vital that you do not behave so coolthat she begins to wonder if you are really interested. There are two sides tothis one. Whether we are comfortable with it or not, there is some strategy andcalculation required at the beginning. Nobody has ever won over a girl’s heart bybeing too eager -- that only happens in the movies. But being aloof is very different fromtaking yourself out of her sights. There is much to be said in keeping a woman’sattention by not pushing too much at the outset. Not only will she respect that, but ithas the added benefit of creating desire on her part. The flip side to that coin is youhave to be careful not to drag it out too much. We have to keep in mind thatwhen things are starting out, most people do not consider themselves exclusive just yet.As a result, their minds are still open to meeting other people. If you withhold for toolong, this keeps that period of uncertainty going for longer than you may want to risk. Ifeither of you are getting antsy about the lack of progress in the sex department, theremay be the temptation to rationalize some more casual encounters with others if theopportunity arises. It is key to try and close that window sooner than later. I waited until the fourth date with someone before we found our way to the bedroom, andshe remarked, “I’m glad that finally happened,” when we were havingbrunch the next day. "Glad" and "finally" are a good outcome, but maybe things were cut alittle too close. Even the most interested woman will start to wonder what’shappening if you keep waiting for the right moment. But don’t sit back and wait --this is where things can be drawn out into the "too late zone." Sometimes you need to makethe moment happen before too much time has passed. Try to choose the right plans andsettings for your dates to encourage things to happen. Continue Reading

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