Doc Love: You Moved Away Together But Then Broke Up

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This week, Doc Love, author of "The System," explains to a reader whyhis girlfriend left him in San Diego.Hey Doc,I’ve beendating Dominique for three years. After a vacation to San Diego and falling in love withthe area, we began to think of moving there. We went back home to St. Louis and actuallymade plans for the move. As a college grad, I figured that I’d be ableto find a job and that she could transfer to a college in California. But after settingthe plan in motion, Dominique was suddenly opposed to the whole thing. She thought itwasn’t a good idea and suggested that we wait. For months we went back and forthdebating it. I told her that I was going to go even if she didn’t come with me andshe could come later. Once I said this she felt like I gave her an ultimatum. Shedidn’t like it and thought that I didn’t love her. I told her that I did andthat I wanted her to come with me. Finally she agreed. Both her parents were opposed tothe move. Anyway, we made the move. I felt like we were taking a leap offaith, being adventurous, bold, daring and maybe even a little crazy. The only guarantee Igave Dominique was that it would be difficult but that I would do whatever it took for usto make it. We searched for jobs like crazy but only found mediocre gigs for little paythat weren't enough for us to make it on. So we used our savings and our parents sentmoney to keep us afloat. After a few months Dominique cracked and said she wanted to goback to St. Louis. Now, this girl has always told me she loves me, and we talkabout getting married and being together forever. We have gone through ups and downs butwe always pull through and love each other even more. Dominique says she wants to be withme no matter what. In the end she went back home. I opted to stay in SanDiego because I didn’t want to quit. I figured that if I went home the move wouldseem like a mistake and a failure. Now we’re in a long-distancerelationship and Dominique just wants me to come back home. She is opposed toreturning to San Diego even if I find a good job that would allow me to stay and establisha foundation. She always makes arguments as to why it’s no good out here -- tooexpensive, tuition too high, so far away from home, etc. Doc, I loveDominique and am now pretty much planning on going home, going back to school to get mymaster's degree and building up my credentials. I’m willing to do whatever it takesto be with Dominique, so I will swallow my pride. My question is this: If she loved melike she said she did, wouldn’t she have stayed no matter how hard it got? Why is itthat I have to go back to St. Louis because she left me out here? We weren’thomeless and our families would have helped us. She seemingly doesn’t want tobelieve in what I believe in. San Diego wasn’t part of her dream, she says, and theonly reason she came with me was because I gave her an ultimatum. Her leaving made me feelbetrayed, and now I feel like I’m making a sacrifice to go back home.Ihope you can give me honest feedback that is impartial and fair to both parties.Paddy - who feels like he’s giving up on himself Continue Reading

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