The Samsung v. Apple Fight Gets Personal

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With the Samsung v. Apple trial getting into the final stretch, the gloves are coming off as a frustrated Samsung tries to convince people that Apple copied them. Yes, you read that right -- Samsung is going Bizarro World on the jury by claiming that none of Apple's patents matter because Samsung invented multitouch, bookmarking a photo and, the clincher, emailing a photo as an attachment. I'm not sure whether Samsung is just taking the piss on the admittedly broken patent system or whether it actually claims to own the idea of sending a photo with an email, but you have to hand it to Samsung -- it has bat-sh*t crazy balls the size of really big balls. Things are getting super zany as witnesses have started dropping personal tidbits into testimonies, kicking it tear-jerker styles on a hopefully sensitive jury. Tuesday, Samsung's designer Jeeyeun Wang told them that she "had just given birth to a newborn, and I was feeding mother's milk to the baby. Since I wasn't able to be with the baby so much, I had to save the breast milk. But I wasn't able to do that on a consistent basis. My recollection is that the breastfeeding had to come to a stop... Those were difficult times." This is a trial about a phone and tablet being copied. While I don't mean to trivialize Ms. Wang's sacrifices -- I was raised by a hardworking single mom -- I can't help but feel that the drama is a smoke-and-mirrors act. No amount of breast milk can wash the image of Samsung's amazing tablet cover from my brain (yeah, that’s Samsung’s, not Apple’s). That it’s become this personal and dramatic makes me think that the coming weeks are going to descend into a cross between Maury Povich and Korean Oprah so that the jury will pay even less attention to their designs. I'd be a lot of money that any two of the following will be heard at the trial:"Jeeyeun Wang is Jonathan Ive’s baby mama!" “You want breast milk? Here!” (crowd goes “OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHhhhhhh” as Tim Cook somehow squeezes a quart of whole milk from his pasty white bosom.) "I was bussin’ up a chiffarobe when Steve Jobs done drove his truck right up into Samsung’s yard and said ‘I’ll kill that sun’abish. Let me at’im!’" “Patented? I thought you said ‘fattented’, cuz you’s a skanky-ass hoe, and no you did not just look at my boyfriend!” Cue chair throwing and hair pulling. Continue Reading

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