Doc Chaves On Variety, Toys & Fetishes

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Sexual Variety

Hi Doc,

Why can't my wife be like the girls in porn movies? Iwish I had that type of sex life. Our sex life is very dull. Any advice to change a man'slife?

It's an interesting topic you bring up. For every man's reasons forenjoying porn are different. For some, it's about fantasizing and living out their sexualdesires through a movie, and for those men, they may not feel like that's possible intheir relationships. The misconception is that menwatch porn because of the attractive women. While that may be a piece of the pie,there's more that rounds out the experience. Many men watch porn and get turned on by thefemale actors because of their sexual open-mindedness, sense of sexual adventure, sexualconfidence and a host of other reasons beyond how the actors look. It sounds like you wishyour wife could expand hersexual horizons and incorporate more variety into your sex life.

My adviceto you is to make the most of the life you have. Many people suppress their desires, hidewhat turns them on and do not take advantage of what sex has to offer. This isn't just meneither. Is that the kind of sexual life you want to lead? A number of men fear theirpartner may reject them, ridicule them, even leave them, if they are more honest abouttheir sexual arousal and what they want sexually. I would encourage you to open the linesof communication with your wife and share what you're thinking and feeling. Take a chance.The rewards could last a lifetime. It's a risk. I understand there are partners who can'thandle this type of honesty. The question for you to ask yourself is: Is the risk worththe possible positive outcome? You may just find that she feels the same way and wouldwant to improve your sex life as well.
Vibrators?

Dear Doc,

I took your advice from a past article and startedusing a vibrator with my girlfriend. It works out really great because my hands, fingers,mouth and neck don’t get tired like before. My question is, can using this vibratormake her become addicted to it for orgasms?

It's too bad we live in aworld today where the word addiction is tossedaround so casually. It's the media's fault for reinforcing this. I don't believe we canbecome addicted to a vibrator. But it's possible for some people who use vibrators tobecome reliant on them to reach orgasm. It's also fair to say that some people may overusea vibrator to where their genitals may feel numb, very sensitive or even painful becauseof overuse. Those feelings generally subside with some rest and time. But all of this isvery different than addiction.

A vibrator is a great way to reach orgasm, butit's not the only way. I suggest you bring this up with your partner and talk about thisconcern. It could be a great topic to broach the discussion of more sexual variety andusing other methods to explore pleasure. Try orgasms with different types of stimulation,in different positions, in different ways, and alter what you do together so you don't getin too much of a routine. Lastly, it may not even be an issue for her. You may be comingfrom a place of wondering if this new device is "replacing" you, and it's possible thatyour concern is arising out of inferiority or ego. Remember, the vibrator doesn't replaceus, and there's no need for competition. It simply enhances our lovemaking ability andmutual pleasure.
Penis Pimples

Doc,

Is it normal to get a pimple on my penis? It is freaking meout. Is it a disease?

Our penises aren'tperfect. Sorry to burst your bubbles, gentlemen. Sometimes we get imperfections thatcan be short term, long term or chronic. It doesn't mean we have a disease, although ouranxiety often leads us to think in terms of the worst-case scenario. The first thing to dois relax. Whatever it is, you're looking into it, and worry isn't going to remedy thisissue.

Some people get pimples in the genital region as well as penilepapules, ingrown hairs, plaques, warts and sexually transmitted infections. The best wayto figure out if it's a disease or some type of penile imperfection is to see a doctor andget tested. To wait and see if it goes away isn't a good option because you never know ifyou require medical attention and treatment. Continue Reading

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