Here's How To Feed Yourself Without Going Broke

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So. Here you are as a newly minted young adult, ready to bring the world to its knees.We’ve covered the reallyimportant stuff, namely how to drinklike an adult. With our priorities firmly established, it’s time to move on tothe next most important one, which is to feed yourself like a grownup. You may bewondering what that means, given that eating is likely something you’ve done severaltimes per day for your entire life. No, I don’t mean eating all fancy-like in a tophat and with your pinky fingers extended, though if you chose to do so that’s yourprerogative. I mean feeding yourself in a way that’s healthful, budget-friendly and,most importantly, delicious. It’s said that with women, you have sanity, singlenessand hotness -- pick two. Well, food is much the same way. Few of your seemingly mostviable food choices will be all three of those things. Unless you do it right, and do ityourself.

When looking at your dining options, it’s hard, if notimpossible, to get it just right. Anything both cheap and tasty is also likely turningyour insides to mush as we speak. You can go to one of those salad places that offerhealthy, delicious build-your-own options, but they charge you like $12 for the privilegeof having your salad minced with a pizza cutter. If you can afford to eat those twice aday every day, you’re either a much more successfulyoung man than I was and likely ever will be, or it isn’t long before the people whoown the storage unit you’re squatting in figure out something is amiss. Point is, ifyou want to eat things that are good for you and also don’t have the taste andtexture of cat litter, you’re going to have to put in a little work, which meansgoing to the damned grocery store.

It’s pretty well known that moderngrocery stores are complete psychological mindf*cks, but knowing that doesn’t do awhole lot of good when a grocery store is pretty much your only option for unpreparedfoodstuffs. The smartest way to shop, then, is by doing exactly what our mothers have beendoing for years: bringing a list and sticking to the outside of the store. You see, theoutside parts of the store are where they sell the actual things needed to produce food,and the aisles are where they sell… other stuff, I guess. Think about the last timeyou were in a grocery store: Where was the bacon? That’s right, along the edge ofthe store, which you got to by walking past the produce, deli, butcher and dairy sections.What’s in the middle of the store? Dog food and paper plates, that’s what.Which would you rather eat, bacon or a paper-plate-dog food-taco? OK, fine, they also sellsome absolute essentials like flour and sugar and spices in the middle of the store, butmost of it? Boxed, processed, expensive crap. Stick to the outside, and only head into themiddle when your list demands it. Continue Reading

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