I left my girl last night for good....

This whole things got me really fucked up.

She has a drinking problem. She's not an alcoholic, but I'm afraid she may be when she is older. When she drinks, she turns into a totally different person. She gets aggressive, violent, confrontational, and she has no off switch. She can't be reasoned with.

I've had a bunch of shit thrown at me, I've had this little 115 lb girl throw my shoulder out of socket when I've restrained her from swinging in my face (pre existing MMA injury 7 years ago, it happens).

I've had her say she's aware that this is a big problem, and have her tell me she's willing to change.....and it hasn't, at all. Shit guys, last week I worked 17 hour days. Prior to that week we'd had another all out fight about her drinking because she starts fights on a constant basis and gets violent. She told me she'd just stop drinking all together, that she was aware that this was a problem, etc......so this week I come home early, two hours early off work to be exact. She's sitting on the couch with her friend and they're both tanked.

This leads to yet another big fight, her leaving for the night, and us making up. Last night was the final straw....same routine and I'd just told her I had it.

I'm not mad about the mean nasty things that she said to me, or that she said she hasn't been happy in months. I'm not mad that she got drunk and I had to call the cops on her dumb ass friend for being drunk, disorderly, and refusing to leave our home. I'm not mad that her friend said a bunch of disrespectful things to me, while she sat on her ass and just listened. If any of my friends were disrespecting my girl their teeth would be on the fucking floor.

It doesn't even piss me off that I've wasted years on this girl, that she's been dishonest to me and herself, and that she's lied about shit. What REALLY fucks with me guys is that she sees ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG with any of this. It's me who's in the wrong, who's a jerk, an asshole, the guy that's yelling at her.

Last night I walked through a door.

No literally, WALKED THROUGH A DOOR. I don't know how I did it, but I somehow generated enough rage and force to walk through a fucking door and knock it off the frame from about 2 feet away, and I'm only in the 215 lb range.

I loved this girl, more than anything. I did everything to make her feel loved, safe, comfortable, and secure....but fuck, you can't help someone who sees nothing wrong with their behavior. You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped, am I right?

I knew about this problem when we first got together and started dating but I thought it was just a party girl phase, but it has gotten progressively worse and more frequent this last year. I just hope I made a wise move. It just sucks. I wanted a family with her and a life with her more than anything, but I'm still young. I've always been on great terms with her family, so I let them know what happened and what's going on. I told them everything. I told them every freaking argument/fight we've had from alcohol. She won't listen to me, so maybe she'll listen to them. It just pisses me off that she doesn't see a damn thing wrong with any of this. Fuck

Tough night bro.....hang in there. Maybe it's a wake -up call she need's...you gonna call her later and talk it over once she's sober?

A drinking problem is an alcoholic, imo. Of course you love her but you CAN"T change her. That has to be all her. The BEST thing you can do for her, and yourself is walk out. That may be what she needs, but you really need to focus on what you need. You may realize how less stressed your life is without her? Good luck to you and hang in there.

Noone can tell you what to do, but you will know when you have had enough.

Just keep in mind that a person has to WANT to change in order for change to happen. It takes 2 to make a relationship a success~ Hang tough!


Stay Strong~~!!!
IPL

No use for negative energy in your life bro... i know it must be hard, but in the long run it will be worth it.... Be tough.

man that is crappy. keep your head up bro and keep on trucking

Thanks for the support everyone.....I tried calling her and smoothing things over but she doesn't want to change; she doesn't have a problem.

"Love, whether or not you choose to see this you've got a problem with alcohol..."

The first words out of her mouth? YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH STEROIDS.

It's a common trait of those with a drug / alcohol problem to point the finger and shame someone else for anything they can.

This is totally hopeless. Tomorrow she is also informing me shes sueing me (for what I've no idea...I don't owe her money) and also filing a restraining order on me. How cute considering I've no desire to talk to someone like that.

You can't love someone until you love yourself....That's as simple as it gets.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by IronpumpedLady

Just keep in mind that a person has to WANT to change in order for change to happen. It takes 2 to make a relationship a success~ Hang tough!


Stay Strong~~!!!
IPL

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Exactly, and she doesn't want to. That's plain as day.....

Hey man look past the current issue. DO not let it destroy who you are my nigga.

Keep strong and keep your shoulders straight.

I am sorry to learn that you are suffering, you seem like a good kid.
Drinking is drinking and it is a problem that can destroy a good life.


Its good that you came here for support and you will get it from many of us.

If I can give you advise: Do not use violence to solve problems or issues. Violent behavior will affect your inner stability. Stay sane. I know this may be difficult to do at times.



B2J

I think I know what you're going through, bro. I went through it with my dad and a past gf. While I see, baby1's point and respect her opinion, I always felt that there are two types of people when it comes to alcohol:

1)Alcoholics/Alky- These individuals feel that they need a drink anytime and anyplace throughout the day. I've watched friends of my dad actually put Jack Daniels in his cup of coffee. That's just freaking sick!

2) Uncontrollable drinkers- This is probably a higher percentage than alkies. These individuals can control WHEN they drink but never the quanitity of what they drink. In other words, once they've taken that first drink, they never stop until they're drunk. That's how my dad and a past gf was. My gf got drunk off of beer and it seemed that we always got into arguments when she'd become drunk. However, there were also occassions when it made the sex greater.

As for my dad, I often wondered how the hell we used to get home without him getting into an accident. There were many times when he was seriously plastured before driving us home.

Stay strong, bro. Sadly, as IPL pointed out, you can't change her. You can only be there for her, if she still wants you. Otherwise, move on and wish her well.

TCMX-

you did the right thing. It's hard and miserable and depressing and you might even be lonely for a while. But you did the right thing!

People can only change themselves. And if she doesnt want to change, or even see that she has a problem to begin with, then she's in denial and blind to her own condition.

You have to take care of number 1, YOU!

You tried, you gave it a shot, spent some good times with her, but Gosh Damn (yeah I said Gosh! ) you can only waste so much of your life on somebody else.

No one will think less of you for walking away from her and that situation. Neither should you! All you can do is try, that's probably more than anyone else would have done.

Live your life for YOU, do what makes YOU happy, work to make money for YOU, workout for YOU, and someday, you'll even meet or date someone who wants to make YOU happy, and for YOU to be the priority in THEIR life for a change.

A relationship that's easy.. wouldn't that be nice? :)

i feel for ya X but it had to be done.being miserable while she's happy doesn't add up.if my ex wife didn't kick me out and leave me when she did i'd still be out there shooting dope and would've taken her down financially or even physically.i used to take her to cop spots,hand her my .357 and tell her to let one off if anyone bothers you while i went to do what i did.sick fuck huh?she saved herself just as you saved yourself.who knows bro,you may have put something into her head that might make her think right.who knows.if it's meant to be it'll happen.if not,well you've got plenty out there to choose from dude.just get past these 1st few rough months and you'll be gtg...