How To Propose

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The truest statement in the historyof relationships regarding whether you should propose or not is also the most vague:“When you know, you know.”Guys in greatrelationships or happymarriages know exactly what it means. It means: “I can’t explain it; Ijust know that when I look at my wife, she’s the only one for me and I want toshare my life with her.” For other guys, the“when you know, you know” phrase translates roughly to: “It’s acrapshoot, pal. You’re on your own with the whole ‘knowing’thing.” Which leads this second group of guys to ask: “Know what? What thehell am I supposed to know?”How Do You "Know"?

There is no real answer to this, other than “know” encompasses everything.It includes knowing you love your girlfriend/wife-to-be, knowing that she loves you,knowing that she’s your best friend, knowing that you’re hers, knowing thatshe’ll make a great parent, knowing that she’ll take care of you, knowingthat you won’t mind taking care of her, knowing that among all the other girlfriends you had, this amazing woman was waiting for you the whole time and none ofyour past ladies could ever compare to her.To not“know” means you’re feeling the opposite about some of these things.(Hopefully only some -- if you feel the opposite about your girlfriend on all of theabove, why even bother dating her?Unless she’s Brooklyn Decker -- in which case, hang in as long as you can). Fortunately, when you’re no longer uncomfortable, uncertain or “un” anything involving your significant other (most of all, unsure) that’s when you “know.” And when you know, you know, which means it might be time topropose.Be This Guy

Here are a dozen very important things to think about when you get to thispoint:1. DIYProposing is a man’sgame. Period. Ignore the supposedly hip notion that it’s cool for women to proposebecause of the rise of feminism and the blurring of the gender barrier and all the othertradition-be-damned nonsense. A woman proposing to a man is not hip; it’s lame. Iknow, I know -- there’s nothing “wrong” with a woman proposing. Andthere may be a few men out there who want to be proposed to (though I’ve never met any). But no matter how progressive and forward your girlfriend may be, there are certainlaws in the universe that shouldn’t be trifled with: Women aren’t supposed toopen car doors for men. Women aren’t expected to give men their coat if a mancatches a chill. A woman shouldn’t have to comfort a man because he’s cryingat the end of Love Actually. And women should not haveto get down on one knee and ask for a man’s hand in marriage. Typing that lastsentence even felt weird. Men propose. It’s in our DNA. Pure and simple. Guys, suckit up. Don’t be that guy in a group of couples who has to meekly say “My wifeproposed to me” when you’re sharing your engagement stories. Everyone mightnod their head and smile politely, but every guy at the table will think you’re atowering wimp. Sorry, it’s a fact. 2.Know The AnswerIf you honestly have no idea what your girlfriend will sayif you propose, don’t ask yet. Think of your proposal the way the late JohnnieCochran thought about cross-examining a witness: Never ask a question you don’talready know the answer to. Never. By the time you’reready to pop the question, you should have already had “feeler”discussions about weddings, starting a family, when you want kids, how many kids you want, where you’ll live, income sharing, etc. If you’ve had none of thesediscussions, then you might want to bring up a few topics to see how she feels. Ifyou’re at a wedding and you ask your girlfriend if she could picture your weddinglike this, and she hesitates or gets uncomfortable or doesn’t want to talk aboutit, it’s OK -- having that conversation at someone else’s wedding will bemuch less uncomfortable than having it on the morning of your own, when yourfiancée realizes she said yes because she was just being polite.3. LiveTogetherThis isn’t 1950. If at all possible, ask your girlfriend tomovein together before you propose or get married. A giant percentage of divorces couldbe avoided if couples were forced to live together and share all expenses andexperiences for six months to a year prior to getting married (this is not based on anyofficial study, just a hunch). Why wait until you’re married to discover that yourwife eats moo goo gai pan in bed, is four months late on her car payment and won’tlet you touch the groceries she buys? On the flip side, if you move in together andit’s better than you ever thought it could be, you’ll probably have a goodidea if she’ll say yes.What are the other imperativerules? Find out next... Continue Reading

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