Proposing To Her

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2012 is full swing, and sure as most people’s newly acquired gym memberships will gounused, many men begin the new year looking for love (some only in questionable places).To those of you looking to meet someone whose areas you’d like to touch, I recommendboning up on things like self-confidence, small talk, proper grooming, and maximumnon-lethal chloroform dosages.Some of us are lucky enough to have found thatspecial someone, and maybe you’re thinking about throwing yourself a stand-upfuneral in the near future. This entry is for you. I myself got engaged this past Octoberat my five-year college reunion. We’d been together for five years, and I figured itwas time. I would have done it sooner, but state law mandated that I waited until sheturned 16.All kidding aside (it was my 10-year reunion, not my 5th), I feelthere are several reasons why guys get nervous when planning to pop the bigquestion. For one, this is uncharted territory for most of us. Not once have we everhad or wanted to make a gesture of such magnitude. Secondly, we want to get it just right,and there are so many ways we can imagine ourselves screwing up along the way. To helpquell some of these doubts, AskMen has asked me to put together a little guide for theperfect proposal. Am I qualified to write such a guide? I don’t want to brag, but Iam batting a thousand when it comes to proposals (eight for eight and counting!). Plus, alittle known fact, my last name is actually Zagat (no, it’s not). What I’msaying is, the answer to the hypothetical question nobody asked but me is“yes.” Let’s get into what makes for a successful proposal.Do I/we actually want to get married?

When a lot of guys think about proposing, they immediately jump ahead to thoughts oflocation, jumping out of a cake with the ring attached to their wang, etc. This is amistake. Before you do anything else, have the two of you ever talked of marriage?I’m not saying it’s a requirement, but it’s a good indication of herintentions. If it’s something you guys have talked about recently in a positive way,you’re probably in the clear. Otherwise, consider your ages and how longyou’ve been dating. If you’re out of college and she’s put up with youfor three or more years and things are still going well, odds are she’s in it forthe long haul.Asking her Father

This is an old convention that a lot of people think is passé. A lot of people arealso assholes. These days, it’s not so much a matter of getting his permission as itis an act of courtesy. It shows that you have the balls and sense of honor necessary to doright by his daughter. To add in my two cents, I recommend asking both parents ifthey’re both still in the picture. Again, it’s about courtesy, andthere’s no reason her mother shouldn’t be privy to your intentions as well. Ialso don’t think it should be any grander an overture than it needs to be. A safebet is to pull them aside in a quiet setting and simply say, “Bob, Judith, you knowhow much I love Gertrude. I’ve decided that I want to marry her.” Then wait.By all means, if her parents are more stuffy and traditional, then treat the occasion withthe appropriate level of formality. Be sure to do this before purchasing a ring. If theyreact as though you told them you’re trying to convince their daughter to star inbestiality porn, at least you won’t be out any money.Dowry

OK, this isn’t really a thing in North America anymore, but it never hurts to ask.What you can get out of her parents can have a big impact on how nice of a ring you canbuy. I recommend asking for livestock and/or land, but as with last-minute Christmas giftsand hookers, cash is always king.The Ring

I’m going to put this out there first: If you’re the type of couple who wouldprefer to do the ring shopping together, then you already know that. Andthat’s… fine. For the rest of us, this is probably our single biggest taskbefore standing at the altar and saying, “I’m sorry, but I justcan’t.” Like it or not, this is your baby. This is when you look atrings, find one that you think represents her, her tastes and how you two feel about eachother, and pull the trigger. I’ve heard about guys buying or borrowing“placeholder rings” that they can use to propose before taking their newfiancée to a jewelry store to pick out what she really wants, and I thinkthat’s stupid. I hate to sh*t on anyone’s feelings here, but it is what it is.Once you’re engaged, you want her to look down at her ring and think, “Wow, hegot this for me,” not “that was really thoughtful of him to includeme in the purchasing process”.Just because this is your job to do alonedoesn’t mean you have to go into it totally without intel. If you’ve talkedabout marriage,she’s probably talked about what kind of ring she sees herself in. Likewise, this isa perfect time to capitalize on your failure to avoid her female friends. There’s agood chance a close friend knows what she wants and likes, and she’d probably behappy to be in on the surprise. Her mother probably knows her ring size, and if not, agood trick is to purchase her some kind of fun costume/accessory ring as an excuse to askher for her ring size. This worked wonders for me. Continue Reading

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