E-S Official Laugh Out Loud Thread

[TheChosen1]

Tweet$100 Tattoo

A guy gets home late one night and his wife says, "Where the hell have you been?"
Him: "I was out getting a tattoo."
Her: "A tattoo?" "What kind of tattoo did you get? "
Him: "I got a hundred dollar bill on my penis."
Her: "What the hell were you thinking? Why did you get a hundred dollar bill on your penis?"
Him: "Well, number one, I like to watch my money grow . . .
Number two, once in a while, I like to play with my money . . .
Third, I like how money feels in my hand . . .
And lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want!"
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http://grab.orsm.net//update20070823..._discovery.wmv

[Slimfatty]

TweetFunny Joke Chosen..
Back in my early 20's I frequently went to this bar to cool off after work and of course get a buzz. Some nights were worse then others. This one night I met this older lady that seemed nice and was quite good looking for her age. She was probably late 50's early 60's. Me being a freak liked to try everything so I began to hit on her and of course one thing led to another later that night. Eventually I ended up in her bed doing the nasty. So I'm nailing this old lady and nailin' her and nailin' her and eventually I started to smell this horrible smell. "what the hell is that.." I kept asking myself. It kept getting worse and worse. I finally had to stop nailin' this chick and tell her, "I'm sorry but I can't go on anymore. I'm not sure what that smell is but it's horrible." She replied to me," Honey, don't worry about that smell. I'm so old I can't cum so I shit to show my appreciation."

[doug]

TweetTwo 80 year old women are driving when they come upon an intersection. The light is red, but they drive right through it without stopping. The woman in the passenger seat thinks to herself, I must be losing my mind, I could swear we just ran a red light. After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and again they run a red light. The woman in the passenger seat decides to speak up and says, "Mildred, you just ran 2 red lights in a row." Mildred replies, "Oh, am I driving?"

[TheChosen1]

TweetHOOKER FOR ALL SEASON

A guy, after getting paid and feeling horny, decided to go to a brothel and have some major sex with the sexiest hooker there. Unfortunately, there was a convention in town and all of the hookers were occupied with others. So the 60 year old madame offered to service him for the night and told him, "Don't worry about the winter snow on the roof, son. There's still alot of summer in my heart." Being horny as he was, the guy took her up on the offer.

But a half hour goes by and he noticed that he's banging away and she's not doing anything but lying there. He ask if she's all right and she says, "Don't worry about the winter on the roof, there's still some summer in my heart." So he continues but again, she's doing nothing. Now another half hour passes and he inquires about her again.

"Don't worry about the winter on the roof, son, there's still summer in my heart." she says. So he tells her, "I'm not worried about the winter on the roof because I know there's summer in your heart. But if you don't get some spring in your ass, we're liable to be here until next fall."

[doug]

TweetWhat does a cowboy and a pimp have in common?

They both know how to throw a ho-down.

[TheChosen1]

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