When I was 13 years old I was 140 pounds. After graduating, I was a stout 180 at 18.


That same year, I traveled to Africa on a mission of saving those with AIDS and other deadly diseases.

Our plane took a turn for the worst and we ended up over Sudan. My plane was hit by an RPG and went down, the entire crew killed but me...

I ran into the jungle and hid for days, starving and looking for what water I could and fighting disease.

I ended up contracting the E-bola virus and was surely going to die.

All I had with me was a bottle of Crown Royal, and a spatula.

Instead I chugged the Crown Royal, and clubbed to death two alpha male lions with the spatula. After doing so I threw one of them over each shoulder, and performed a set of 10 perfect squats using the lions for weight.

I was instantaneously cured, and saved from the e-bola virus, and could then shoot 350 degree arc flames from my hands. I cooked the lions, and have turned into a 230 lb beast.

Also I have not been sick since!